Why My World Will Never Be The Same

My blog has been calling to me for quite some time now.  I've ignored the call because, really, how does one talk about the everyday things when your life has been so dramatically changed?  How do you write about the fact that your life will never be the same again? That the pain you feel cripples you when you don't want bring everyone else into your anguish?  Or sound like you are looking for pity?

I still don't know the answer to those questions but I know that I need to write.  So, it begins.

On October 25, 2014, my daughter, Amanda, was shot in the head and died as a result of that injury.  It was 4 days before her 30th birthday.  She has left behind two adorable sons, ages 2 and 7, a husband who was her best friend and loved her beyond all reason, an aunt who was as much a mother to her as I have been, a stepmother who loved her and a mother, me.  It was the day my world changed forever.

Throughout her life Amanda had experienced periods of instability and about 5 years ago was diagnosed as bipolar.  She tried medication for a while but, like so many others, did not like the way it made her feel.  She loved her sons greatly and called her husband the love of her life and best friend.  Amanda tried so hard to be a good wife and mother.  

It was because of her disease that Amanda often trusted the untrustworthy and was in the wrong place at the wrong time.  While in the home of Rose Perry, someone she knew, sitting on the couch, she was intentionally shot in the head by Mark Anthony Barquera.  The shooting was unprovoked.  There are many things I can't say because of the criminal case pending.  Barquera is currently under indictment for Second Degree Murder-Intentional and Felony Drug Possession/Use in jail while awaiting trial.  This is all a matter of public record.

What is not specifically in the public record is that all the people present at the home of Rose Perry at the time this occurred, knew Amanda's name and some, at least, knew how to reach her husband.  Yet no one gave this information to the police.  As a result, it was at least 8 hours from the time Amanda was shot until her husband, stepmother and I could be by her side.

I pray that no one who reads this ever has to call the police and say "someone said my child was involved in a shooting" then has to go back and forth with the police regarding identifying marks and tattoos.  I pray you never have to have a detective show you a picture of a tattoo and have to identify it as belonging to your child.  I pray you never have to come around a corner in ICU and see your child, your baby, in a bed on a respirator, tubes and IVs everywhere and a large bandage around her head that continues to ooze her blood forming a surreal red halo.  I pray you never have to make the decision to discontinue life support.

There are no words to describe what my life has been like these last few months.  The sorrow, pain, horror, not to mention the shame and guilt, wondering what I could have done to have helped prevent this tragic outcome.  The punch in the gut that suddenly turns you into a hysterical uncontrollable mess.  Wondering why he just shot her, why?

My spouse, son-in-law and I have attended each hearing.  I remember seeing him at the first hearing. The District Attorney knew we were there so she had Barquera brought up out of order so we wouldn't have to wait so long.  He is a scrawny guy with a hawkish nose, horn rim glasses and a cocky attitude.  The way he walked across the room, looking around to see who was there that caused him to be brought up ahead of schedule.  It made me want to vomit.

There isn't a day that goes by when I don't think of Amanda.  I see her in the eyes of her sons, I see her in the mirror. I ache for her husband and her sons, I ache for Amanda who will never have the opportunity to see her sons grow up, never see them graduated from college, marry or have children of their own.

This journey we are on is far from over,  I'm sure I will be posting more about this as the Criminal Justice system works it's way through the process.  One thing I have learned from all of this is that I am truly loved by so many people.  I guess I knew this before but the outpouring of love and support from friends, family and strangers has truly warmed my heart.  

How Not To Get Killed In Traffic

They don't teach Driver's Education in most schools any more and I tend to think that is why we so many hazardous actions on the road these days.  Or maybe it is just common sense and courtesy that seem to be lacking.  So, I'd like to take this opportunity to share some of the things I've learned through educational opportunities and real life experience.

Bicyclists:

In most states a cyclist is required to follow the same laws as motor vehicles.  You ride on the right side of the road, if the traffic light is red, you stop.  If there is a Stop sign, you stop.  Crosswalks are for pedestrians.  If you wish to use the crosswalk, WALK your bike across, if you are riding you aren't a pedestrian.  Use a headlight and don't dress in all dark colors.

Most importantly, it doesn't matter how "right" you think you are, you are still a person on a bike, if you tangle with a car, truck, bus or whatever, you are going to lose.  Is it really worth it?

Pedestrians:

Crosswalks are there for a reason.  Use them.  Cross with the light, not against it.  Trying to run across a 5 lane street, at night, in dark colors is a recipe for disaster.  If you don't care about your own life, think of the kids you're dragging across the street with you.

Motorists:

When two vehicles come to a 4-way stop at the same time, the vehicle on the right has the right-of-way.  However, you don't want to be dead right.  Once you have mastered the 4-way Stop, think about this:  What do you do if you approach an intersection where the traffic lights are out?  You treat it like a 4-way Stop!  Everyone gets a turn, just like you teach your kids, wait your turn and take your turn.  Nice and polite.

Speaking of polite, do you know why they start putting lane closed signs so far back from where the lane is actually closed?  That's right, so you have plenty of time to safely and politely change lanes well in advance of the closure.  It doesn't mean rush right up the side to the blockade and force your way in.  This is in direct contrast to how you handle a Gore Zone, where you want to go all the way to the end before changing lanes.  In some states, like Arizona, crossing a gore zone will get you a hefty citation.

Lane sharing, except by two bicycles or motorcycles, is prohibited for all other vehicles.  Just because that bike is only using one third of the lane is not an invitation for you to join them.  Stay in your lane, be respectful of the your following distance.

Motorcyclists:

You didn't think I was going to leave you out, did you?  I don't care how rad your skills are wheelies, stoppies, trick riding and high speeds belong on the track or other designated course, not on the highway.  Be courteous, don't be cutting in and out of traffic, use your turn signals and if you don't have self cancelling ones, don't forget to turn them off.

I guess that is about it for now.  Remember good manners and common sense will help keep you out of trouble on the road regardless of your role.

Wow! What a week!

The Motor Maid convention in Kerrville was awesome.  Since we left the on Friday morning we have been to Gruene TX, Ft Stockton, again, Carlsbad Caverns, Roswell, NM and the UFO museum.  Stopped to avoid a storm in Hondo, NM where we took shelter in the workshop of William Gordon.  Now we are in Capitan, NM at the Smokey Bear Motel.

Having too much fun to blog so look for a series when I return.  Meanwhile I will be riding!