Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Feelings .....ooooo...oooo....Feelings....SUCK

We all have times in our lives when things don't go as we had hoped, in fact, they go so far in the opposite direction that we can't even see the hope that was once there.  Times when you just don't understand why people do the things they do. Times when you wonder if it is really you that is going crazy. Times when no matter what you do, it's wrong.

When someone else allows free will to run amok and it causes havoc in my life I have so many mixed feelings in my head and heart.  Sadness for the one running amok as well as all those who are impacted by the insanity. Frustration and helplessness at my inability to understand or help.  Frustration because I've tried to help in so many ways only to have a back turned to me.  I have to remember that I can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped.

And I worry.  I worry about everyone in the blast radius.  Anger at what is going on and my inability to prevent it.  Fear of what will happen to the ones I love.  Resentment. Helplessness. Love.   My heart aches and I feel like I have been punched in the gut.

In my head and in my heart, I know there is nothing I can do to prevent the self destructive behavior. So I turn to the things that have kept me sane and safe in the past, God, prayer, my loving spouse, my church family and some passages of the Big Book. I believe that nothing happens in God's world by mistake but I don't have to like it.  I pray and pray that salvation comes before it is too late.

Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today....

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