Like today, I can't even pretend to be normal. Nothing seems right, nothing appeals to me, I don't want to go anywhere or see anyone. I have problems finding joy in things I once did.
Most days, I work like a fiend, keeping my mind occupied with reports, problems, interviews, meetings, all so I don't have to think. Or I guess I should say think about someone who really matters, the one who is missing from my life.
A few days ago, my grandsons were here for the night. I look at their adorable little faces and I see their mother's face smiling back at me. Their laughter so much like Amanda's at their age. I wonder what their lives will be like without their mother.
Things feel so different now. No, things ARE different now.
I believe that eventually all our lives will be more "normal". I won't have to pretend to be normal.
Maybe I will be able to write something that isn't so sad and depressing.